Thursday, September 15, 2005

GeTTinG HiTcHeD


Scenario 1:
Xu, 34, a bank worker in Guangzhou who has worked hard to get her master's degree, now finds it an even tougher task to find her Mr Right. Xu is one of the growing ranks of women in South China's Guangdong Province consider passed what the Chinese consider the normal age for marriage, but who are still longing for families of their own, albeit with increasing difficulty. It is estimated that of all the singles aged 35 and over in Guangdong, 70% are women. The phenomenon is common nationwide.


Scenario 2:
Mom entering daughter's room..

Mom: Hi honey. Uncle Rama had just came with invitation for Neela's (his daugther) wedding next month.
Daughter: Oh..the eldest one, just finished her degree right?

Mom: Yea..she is the one..hmm..at least she is getting married at the right age **sighhhh
Daugther: What you mean "at least she"?

Mom: Well, i already had you when i was your age..look at yourself, still slogging your books when you should be taking care of your husband and in-laws!!
Daughther: Ma..how many times should we go through this??? I am STILL studying..i need my own career..i need to be financially stable, emotionally independent...please understand that..this is 21st century..

Mom: Neela is from new generation too..look at her, she is being such a good daughter and marrying as his father wished.. (with a scarastic look..)
Daughter: I am not Neela, and not marrying right now doesn't make me a bad daughter..end of the conversation!

***

The first scenario is a part of a newspaper article i read couple of days ago..and the second one, is a dialog between mom-daughter which i think is what happening in most of the gal's home right now...

The question which had been bugging me for some time..what is the right age of a woman to get married? I have my schoolmates getting married at the age of 18, 20, 21...and so on..at the other hand, i do have seniors in Uni whom are pursuing their postgraduate degree, umarried although they are approaching their 30s..

Yes, i know that marriage is a personal choice..when one wants to get married is their own decision..but what is your opinion..if you are a gal, when you think you want to settle down? if you are a guy, tell me..whom would you prefer when you settle down, a gal who is barely 21, or the one just got her degree and may start her career anytime (after marriage)..or an independent and stable career woman well into her late 20s or early 30s??

55 comments:

Keshi said...

ME FIRSSSSSSSSST!

Keshi.

tulipspeaks said...

lolz..yes you are *wink wink

Vivhyd said...

Late 30s.. no please.. For me Ideal age for a gal to be married wud be mid 20s.. but U never know wht the situations are.. depends on that.. career can be made even after being married.. again depends on the guy too.. if gal wasnts independence.. well she can have that thru out her life.. no need to get married

4u2nvau/Rohit said...

damn you ppl lemme be first for once... grrrrrrrrr

me 3rd :(

tulipspeaks said...

@ vivhyd
mid 20s..hmm..okie..
**am000nie better be looking for a groom soon ;)

@ n000nie
awww..come on..being 3rd is not that bad either :P
muuaxx and huggss

*am000nie going to college..back in the evening..

4u2nvau/Rohit said...

I think it really depends on the guy and girl.

If the girl is career minded and wants to study further or work for a while before she settles down, I think bout 25-30.

However, if a girl doesn't like studying or isn't very career minded then I don't think she should waste her time doing absolutely nothing with her life and should settle down with a right guy.

I, myself am not fussed. Right now I dun even think bout marriage, even tho my granddads bug me 24/7. I would say it really depends on the guy.

Keshi said...

FANTASTIC post Amu! Well done for the great choice of topic :)

I read the same kind of thing yday in the news...it's title was 'why are so many great women still single' lol sorta reminded me of myself hehehe...great u know hahahahaha!

Anyways...

**what is the right age of a woman to get married?

I believe it depends on the culture as much as I hate that social trend. Indian families get their girls married b4 30 somehow and they think a gal who's single after 30 is doomed for life :) To be honest I dont think that is the case altho I used to think that way when I was in SL. Cos in Aus many women marry late now even Indian Aussies.

So what Im trying to say is there's no RIGHT age (as in my theres no RIGHT turn post :) for marriage....it depends on the individual's choice.

The mum and daugher convo is something that happenes daily in our house...goshhh Im tried of telling my mum that marriage is not what I want right now. U know right now I dun even listen when she says something abt settling down...I just shut off completely - it can be really annoying. I agree that all girls need to get married b4 they r too old to enjoy married life, but that doesnt mean they have to get married at 21 when they dont really know what life is...

Keshi.

visithra said...

Keshi n rohit said it well.

My mom n I have the same conversation n she started when i was 17!

One day I got so irritated told her find find the guy n u can marry him ;p She stopped bugging for awhile then restarted! ;p

but it isn't really age its when ure prepared. Someone has to be stable to start a life together - the guy or you. Whats ur priorities, work, career, hobbies family? Think that out.

There's no late age, my mom got married at 33 (u wonder y she bugs me).

Understand one thing marriage is a wonderful thing but it is also responsibility. Why get burden with so much responsibility early in life (21ish) Take ur time n enjoy it, plan the marriage coz ud want time to urselves before having a kid though pregnancies are said to be best had by ur early 30s.

Keshi said...

Visithra's view rocks...really...she got a great balance in her thinking.

Well in Aus girls tend to enjoy life alot longer than the women in India/Sri Lanka...they take time to make decisions and r not bound by too much family and cultural pressures too...so yeah it really depends on ur background too.

Visithra my mum has given up on me cos I refuse to talk abt it now :) I really believe when the time for me has come, I will find him...if I dun then thats fine too...cos life is much more than getting married, and Im having a great time being single ;-)

Keshi.

4u2nvau/Rohit said...

BEAT THIS!!

My granddad went to India and started looking for girls for me :o

Can you believe that?? Im still so young, im still a baby and they wana get me married :(

Its seems like for our parents and esp grandparents that our sole pupose to have been born was to get married and have kids and "live unhappily ever after"(quote taken from salaam namaste)

lakshmi said...

24 is ideal.

visithra said...

thanks keshi ;)

Dang lol all my mom wants is to arrange a marriage - the whole works! I suspect its the same thing with ur parents and grandies!

Right after getting married then they'll start when am I getting a grandkid??? Grrr pls let me enjoy singlehood as long as I can ;)

My mom gave up, tried, gave up, accused me of turning all my guy friends into brothers, tried to match make me with my mates, gave up and now is retrying! ;p

definitely ur background n environment plays a role!

Keshi said...

n000nie..
** like for our parents and esp grandparents that our sole pupose to have been born was to get married and have kids and "live unhappily ever after"

hahahaha! btw u r not a baby ok...lol! but neither r u matured enough to get married...u have PLAINTEAAA of time lol!


Visithra...
**My mom gave up, tried, gave up,...gave up and now is retrying!

LOLLL awww ur mum is cuttte! Sounds so like my mum...mebbe we should get them to meet so they can just talk abt it all day w.o. bothering us lol!

Keshi.

visithra said...

Bad plan gal bad plan - theyd probably exchange tactics and jump on us! ;p

Arz000n said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Arz000n said...

As a guy, I know its ma age to get married now. As far as financial and job security are concerned, I think thats taken care of. But, am I mature enough to handle the responsibility of someone else? Its not easy to answer that and just coz material stability is there, I dont wanna jump and get married to someone out there.

what is the right age of a woman to get married?
Why there has to be a seperate Q for gals in the first case. At this age when you treat them equally, why cant they decide on themselves whether its time to get married or not.
As a gal, do u think:
you are done with ur basic education?
is the education enough for you to attract good Groom.
if suppose something screws up later and you are left alone, can u take care of urself on ur own (and possibly ur kid, if you have any)

I think if you are able to reply to them, thats the perfect age for you to get hooked.

No numerics here please...I dont know what comes after 25 anyway...its 26 na...or 27....





*DOH*
I betta shut up...before my intelligence flows out

Nice topic after a long time am000nie piez
Hugzzzz

tulipspeaks said...

aahh..to be greeted by 16 comments by the time i came back exhausted from lab is simply rejuvenating!!

let me go through what my buddies have to say..

before that, muuaxx to all

=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

@ visithra

your mom started at 17??? lolz..i remember there was my close relative (mama) asked my hand for marriage when i was in Form 6 (Pre-U)..i was 19 at that time..phheww...my situation was better than yours i guess..hehehe

i told my mom the same..find the groom yourself la ma..i really got no time to find one on my own..she asked me what are the "criterias"..after hearing my requirements which may take few A4 pages to be typed out..she backed off :P btwn..my mom got married at the age of 24..had me at the age of 25..athaan ivalavu sattem :)

about having first born before 30..this is the only reason which make me to think if i should settle down before i reach 30..well, i am from medical field..i know the complications and the risk a mother MAY face if she had her first child after 30..but looking at the other angle..anyone can die at any age..why suffer now? eppadi?? hehehe

and harassing my male frens..phheww..it happens..but seems like my mom is rather selective in her 'harrassment'..only those with MBBS or MD and MSc seemed to be targeted..lolz...

tulipspeaks said...

@ n000nie
25 - 30..hmm..alright..i better start looking for my match :D

lolz..n000nie, your grandpa had started looking for a bride for you????????? rofl..i can't stop laughing.....but as k000kie said, you are NOT a baby..at the same time, you are not matured either..guess you are still stucked in between :)

@ k000kie
awww...hugggss and muuaxx dear..
actually this topic is very much close to my heart..and the second scenario was definitely a real life scene..er..guess where it happened :P..

M'sian statistics shows that women are now getting married at older age, having fewer children..visithra surely will agree with me on that..just that, i don't know the real figure for indians..i still see many marrying at young age after SPM (O Level), immediately after getting their first degree..and also those marrying late..i'm very much confused now :(

@ lakshmi
if 24, i should have been packed and sent to someone else's house by now :(
i am 25 already..shhhh..keep it secret :P :P

@ z000nie
aawww...at last we got some one who is admitting that he is in right age to settle down..i envy that, you know..lolz..i am still trying to figure out what i want in my life..kind of funny if i say i want to share it with someone else now..

At this age when you treat them equally, why cant they decide on themselves whether its time to get married or not
Surely you belong to the minority group of men who treat women equal and well..bravo!!

=am000nie=

Keshi said...

omg look how matured z000nie is...wow he really is full of wisdom ha...well-said z000nie!

Amu what did ya have for dina?

k000kie.

tulipspeaks said...

k000kie, its still early for dinner..just got back home after went to see doctor for my gastric pain..my dinner usually around 8 or 9pm..guess it is going to be thosai or idlee..

had yours?

Me said...

I agree with vivhyd ... the ideal age
24-28 ....

Me said...

just saw ur comment and I'm back again.....

Happy Onam to your mother and to all of you....

can u give me the details of special 'onam thali' of 27 different items ?

Goshhh..it must be very delicious....
yuuummmmyyy...

tulipspeaks said...

thanks for the wishes av000nie..

my mom is a malayalee, but i am not..i'm 50% tamil, 25% telegu & 25% malayalee..

well, i know its kind of confusing but..the bottom line is we don't celebrate any other festivals except those celebrated by tamils..

neway, i do have malayalee friends..can ask them about onam thali..i would like to know about it also..

btwn, ideal age..24 - 28?? hmm..which means i still have 3 more years to go..hehehe..ample of time..

=am000nie=

lakshmi said...

So get married....

Rahul said...

There is no right physical age. It's best if you just feel it one day, that the time has come and take the plunge!
It is kinda sad that parents expect you to follow the social norm, but they did and dont find anything wrong with asking you to. Ours is unfortunately the generation that has to break from the trappings of the past.
I'd personally prefer the latter, but there are many men i know would take only a demure, submissive wife. As long as they are getting it, they're fine. I guess it is about what one looks for in such a relationship...

Keshi said...

hehe Amu ok :) by the time I Saw ur ans u wud have had ur brekky too lol!

Well I had vege pasta n salad...thosai/idlee sounds yummmmmmy mate!

Visithra yes we betta not do that..lol they both will plot against us then hehehe...

Keshi.

visithra said...

how it started at 17 was a long story ;p

eh gal u aren't from ipoh by any chance right?

Well I know gals who got married at 17 21 - sometimes by choice sometimes by parents

but imagine having kids and getting into the routine so early at that age

id say enjoy ur life but if ure interested in getting married give urself 2 years from ur target year to look for one - or get someone to look for ya - but take ur time to decide - theres been a surge of marriages ending in mere months - so take ur time ;)

tulipspeaks said...

goooooooddd morrrrrrning

@ lakshmi
the problem is i am not ready for a carrying the responsibilities of a wife..not at the moment..plus the thoughts of trading my favorite side of bed, my home for 25 years, my study desk, my mom's yummy breakfast sounds as if i am being pushed into a hell :((

@ rahul
welcome to my blog..thanks for sharing your views with me..

@ k000kie
lolz..yea..having my breakfast now..thosai and idlee very much our 'staple' food here..the only dish i can cook properly is thosai :P

@ visithra
ipoh mali ah??? lolz.. me surely not from ipoh..orang KL..but hmm..i know lot of people from ipoh, might become my second home..get what i mean? *wink wink
aha..thanks for the tips
*am000nie counting..2 years from the targeted age means somewhere next year only..then okie la..hehehe

=am000nie=

Keshi said...

wow thosai is my fav south Indian brekky food...mum makes em nice...also I wud like to find a husband who makes thosai...lol...

Keshi.

tulipspeaks said...

lolz..too bad my bro is younger..he is an expert in cooking..puting me to shame

Organized Noise said...

You can't place a time frame on settling down. Just do it when ever its right. Too many people (men and women) have this picture perfect plan that they'll go to school find someone and get married after getting their degree. Unfortunately for some of us, it just doesn't work out like that. Everyone can't have the storybook ending. Some of us have to wait awhile, but when it happens, it'll be the right time for it to happen.

4u2nvau/Rohit said...

whats thosai??

I thought it was called dosa...

Keshi said...

NV ur a Northy na so u dunno the correct pronounciation lol...it's THOSAI...dosa for the North Indians :)

Amu ur bro can cook wow thats great...but definiteky I dun wann a feel like a cradle snatcher lol!

Keshi.

tulipspeaks said...

n000nie.. dosa which you are talking about is thosai in tamil language..

p/s: in malay language, dosa means 'sin'

=am000nie-going-to-college=

tulipspeaks said...

lolz k000kie..

going to Uni now, see ya later..muuaxx and huggss

neway, he is way too young..

tulipspeaks said...

btwn, well-said organized noise..

but the problem with indian community (the majority, i would say) is the mentality of born-marry-produce-die..sorry to fellow indians if i am being too rude here..

here, we are..the new generation who realise the importance of personal development before settling down..

now, we are 'against' an elder group whom insist us to get married as soon as we reach certain age, usually around 21 - 25..but that is when we want to choose our career path and plan for future..there is a conflict there..

this is what i would like to address..

=am000nie=

4u2nvau/Rohit said...

amu you dungu la..

why do you need to go to uni?? your already smart enough lol

Keshi said...

ok NV wuts DUNGU? la lol is malaysian I know!

k000kie-kayke

dfg said...

Hi Amutha
I cant tell u what is the right age for men and women to get married, but what I can tell u is, its going up all the time.
Age will depends on culture, family background, and financial statues of the family and of course gender.
About decade ago the average marrying age is about early and mid 20 and these days it is about late 20 and early 30s.
More and more girls are waiting until late 20 and early 30 mainly bcos they don’t trust the marriage anymore( Specially arrange ). They are too scared to get into a something early on and to give up their career. After few years if they have problems they cant move away bcos they not financially stable…
So they are now settling down them selves and waiting for the right person and the right time…
They dont want to be too dependent on thier husband....
Prakash

tulipspeaks said...

awww..n000nie..i know i'm smart..**wink wink..but unfortunately the government think only those with PhD are smart enough for be considered for lecturer's position

lolz..and k000kie..dungu is malaysian word for fools

tulipspeaks said...

Prakash, u are definitely correct..its all now about settling down ourselves first..

not only me, i think all the other women will agree to this..

=am000nie=

musings (m000nie) said...

awww am00 every gal faces this...

i think as u said urself... every gal shud have her say in whn n who she wants to marry...

n i think its horrible to get a gal whos just 18 married... urghhhh... wat does she know abt life??

sLuG said...

wel...i dun think age has nethin to do wid it...itz juz how much ur matured tat it depenz on...morova...marriage is juz a formal function...where sum goddamn court certifies tat ur in a long term relationship...i dun think it shud matter tat way...
But if itz an arranged marriage u talkin bout...hmm ..ideal age...i guess u wudn hav a say init newayez...

Anbu said...

good topic.
As everybody says its entirely on the gals study/career aspirations.
But 25 - 27 is perfect coz u r mature enough at 25 and medically, the pregnancy after 35 isn't safe enough...

tulipspeaks said...

@ m000nie
yes dear..you are right about we having the rights to choose when we want to get married..but it is what happening in real world? i guess our parents married when our grandparents decided its the right time, and now..we are getting married at an age our parents thinks its suitable..

muuaxx..cant wait for v000m this sunday

@ slug
lolz..right about we not being able to decide..just like what i told to m000nie

@ anbu
25 - 27..hmm..28 cannot ah?? lolz..coz, thats what the poll is showing at the moment..majority saying 28..bwtn, have you voted?

=am000nie=

southpaw said...

***what is the right age of a woman to get married?*** million dollar question....i would love to get married latest by 33...:):):)

southpaw said...

and my spouse's age should be around that as well, a couple of years here and there would not matter...:):):)

tulipspeaks said...

hmm..okie..south..must be around your age? why wouldnt you take a younger bride? or..on the other extreme..an elder woman as your life partner??

no offense..just asking out of curiosity..

=am000nie=

southpaw said...

No its okay am000nie, well it would all depend on the understandings we may have, the former comment was my standard figure, which i have been thinking according to my own convenience..:)

Keshi said...

lol oh ok dungu me! ;-)

k000kie.

tulipspeaks said...

good morningggggggg

*am000nie wink wink at southpaw, gives a warm hug to dungu k000kie..lolz..

PuNeEt said...

Hi…
That’s interesting stuff…
Bit late… was not online for past two days…

As per me right age for getting married would depend on the ambitions of a girl…
There is no universal rule…
I don’t believe in arranged marriages…
and I don’t think there is a right or wrong age for marriage… ya it depends a hell lot on the person one is marrying…
I don’t have any concerns regarding… my wife studying further, working or taking care of home… that’s for her to decide… but surely if I’ve decided on the girl and if we both are sure that we have to formalize the relationship I wont wait long…

For me being financially stable and emotionally independent is an illusion…
But that’s me…

Awesome post babezzzz :-)>
Smillz n Cheers

tulipspeaks said...

awesome reply as well puneet.. :)

sounds like u bit of modern age men...awww..thanks for saving men's face...hehe..i didnt mean all of them still living in stone age, though..

=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

==The Verdict==

According to the poll..71% says that 28 is the best age for a woman to settle down..fair enough!!

=am000nie=