Saturday, October 22, 2005

No Sex Please


I was again moved by a news i read in a national paper..It was about a murder trial, where N.Chitrabathy was hacked to death by her hubby, G.Krishnasamy in Singapore..


The motive for the murder was said to be jealousy..which was then described as morbid jealousy (a form of mental illness)...

It was basically started from the denial of his wife to have sex with him. She was even prepared to give him money to visit prostitute (ouch!)..

He began to imagine that his wife is seeing other men and even having affairs with them ( I say imagine because the accusation was said to be baseless by the prosecution)..Out of anger and frustration, he beat her to death!


Well, Chitra might be wrong to encourage, or even to suggest her hubby to visit prostitute..i mean, which woman in her mind would do that (I would have hacked MY hubby to death if he did that,mind you!)..For a woman to decide on such a huge decision surely have some strong basis...Err..I might sound bias here, but its the woman who died anyway..

Then it occured to me, there was a similiar case happened in Malaysia few years back...In this case, the woman actually assulted her husband when he tried to force himself on her..The court (and the public) generally DO NOT regard the case as self-defend against a rapist, as there is no such thing as '"marital rape" in Malaysia! In short, there is no law to protect a married woman from her husband forcing himself on her (unless he assulted her physically)..Sexual abuse of wives is merely non-existance! I was merely a teenager back then..even at that age, this case has affected me pretty badly..

I lost track of the case, however..Not sure if the politicians came up with such law or not..


Chitra's death has just refresh my memory on this issue..again..

Don't we, the women have any say on sex?

--------------------------------------------
Update: Do refer to my comment #15 in response to Puneet

34 comments:

southpaw said...

Lets take the current case first....The motive for the murder seems quite ok as far as G.Krishnasamy is concerned. But what about his wife? didn't anybody or say the murderer's defender tried to put that infront of the court, why would a wife go upto the extent of sending her husband to prostitute and even pay for it. If G.Krishnasamy was a patient of morbid jealousy then his wife is definitely suffering from something more wierd than that. In my country there is a law in the IPC which can lead her to jail upto 7 years if at all she had survived for disrupting someone mentally to an extent where he or she harms physically or kill the other person.

Now the other case which u mentioned, thats pathetic and every government needs to come up with a substantial and effective law to deal with such a situation.

Invincible said...

there is no such thing as '"marital rape" in Malaysia!
.. so unfortunate !! it means once married, u are complete will of ur husband for intercourse.
Arent there any women activist orgs in Malaysia. Or it's just accepted as in the interest of society ?

"It was basically started from the denial of his wife to have sex with him. She was even prepared to give him money to visit prostitute (ouch!).."
This has to be unravelled first.
May be she dint find her husband worth ofhaving sex. May be it was just once too many times that they were having it n so she denied. May be she had other problems n wasnt comfy with her husband to share them wth him. May b there werent close on emotional front although married.
May be she was also victim of her psyche. There can be ever more or worse reasons. Was it the first time she denied him or it was only after a series of refusals he decided to end it all. May be he cudnt take it anymore !!

In any case, beating someone to death is such a brutal act and cant b justified wotever b the reason. But still one cant looking at only 10% of the story come to any conclusion.

sebia said...

hi amutha,
as usual a v different,but yet v bold topic u chose..which fr a person like me may nt b able 2 spk so openly even if i want to..anyways let me try a lil bit...
well..though beating smbdy 2 death is the most horrific thing..but just fr 1 sec imagine the guys plight as well ..how a grl can even ask tht frm her hubby..im nt a possessive person at all..but even thn i just cant imagine a grl doing tht..tht must denotes the amount of hate tht grl is experiencing fr tht guy...and the amount of hurt he must have experienced..
and abt tht other thing..its always so scary 2 give ur whole life 2 smbdy else..thts wht always scared me 2 no bounds..
pls cm up with smthing funny now..grr i wanna laugh..
u r a v sensetive person..amutha..and tht can b blessing yet a curse at times..like me..smbdy told me..u cant change the wrld..learn 2 live like a pigeon:)(though i myself cant do tht..still advising u tht)
tc

novin said...

why did they get married in the first place?> ... lets solve that mystery first........

tulipspeaks said...

@ south

you are the first, congrats!

south, you are looking at the other side of the coin..MAY BE Chitra was weird, MAY BE she was evil for denying sex with her husband..but does she deserve to die for that?


=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

@ vinci

it means once married, u are complete will of ur husband for intercourse.

i believe that this is the case



Arent there any women activist orgs in Malaysia.

There are NGOs in Malaysia,but they are very much 'weak' at pointing out problems like this, especially the one with laws..No, i'm not saying they are not playing their part, but the impact is much more less compared to the words of politicans..



Or it's just accepted as in the interest of society ?

well, i still remember a poll which was conducted by the newspaper (i'm talking about the 2nd case i mentioned)..the majority of the public thinks that a wife is obligated to complete her husband's sexual desire..it is regarded to be her responsibility..


BTWN, i hope you like the way i craft your name in my blogmates link :P


=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

@ sebia

aww..the first lady to comment, after the two gentlemen..let me see..



which fr a person like me may nt b able 2 spk so openly even if i want to..anyways let me try a lil bit...

well, i know its kind of hard for some to open up..but i respect your attempt :)



but just fr 1 sec imagine the guys plight as well ..how a grl can even ask tht frm her hubby..

i got no idea what pushed her to do this..as i said, i would have HACKED my hubby if he did anything like that..suggesting him to visit prostitute?? no way!!



u r a v sensetive person..amutha..and tht can b blessing yet a curse at times..

yea, very sensitive and the problem with me..i remember details (expt for numbers), be it good or bad..

although i know i can't change the world..i hope to at least change one person's perception towards marital sex with this post..that will be a victory by itself :D


=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

@ novin

:D

no, i have no idea why they got married or how long they are married..may be it will shed some light on the case, before we pass our very own judgement..i agree with you..


but..


you missed my question?

Don't we, the women have any say on sex?

=am000nie=

novin said...

and now , as alwayz , as enigmatic as ever, i walk out of this topic ....

lols :P

- Revolution lives thorugh me -

tulipspeaks said...

novin

u r right..walking out as always.. :)

=am000nie=

southpaw said...

I never said she was meant to die that way, i was purely going by the way it should go, when we talk about law, justice, etc,etc, so one has to look from all the sides otherwise there wouldn't have been anything called defence in the law, as far as looking at the other side of the coin first, i can't help it, thats how we are trained to do in our profession. When in reality somebody informs us about anything which is gonna happen or have happened, we first do whatever is needed and then interrogate the informer how he came to know what was gonna happen or what had happen. Most of my indian blogmates would never believe all this coz for most of my countrymen, we are the worst creatures in the world, but thats how we work and we ain't gonna change.

PuNeEt said...

Hi...

Hey I've one reservation...
yaar ur post are too much in favour of women... and at times not justified too...

The lady here was not prepared to have sex with her husband but was ready to send him to prostitute...
what does this mean now...

Obviously what do u think the man would beleive...

Women died coz she was foolish (as per me)... if she was not into the relationship she could have got away rather than trying stupid things like sending her hubby to prostitute...

Women do have the say...
although they are still on the weaker side... I agree to that...

Take care
Cheers

Michelle said...

who cares wat a kid thinks?

neway i also think twuz wrong on chitra's part to encourage her husband to do tht...dunno wats in her mind....da reason n all...but it wuz totally inhuman on her husband's part to beat her to death

tulipspeaks said...

@ south

aww..no..i didnt mean to say law enforcers are "worst creatures of the world".. really didn't mean it..hmm..i guess the post is going in a different direction than i thought..lolz..well, my point is about a wife's concern to have sex with her husband..whether she have any say in it or not..

as for the case details..let me tell you what i know in my reply to puneet's comment..

=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

@ puneet

lolz..i agree..i must a feminist..i guess women activist org is the kind of org i have to join..remember my 7-things? :P


well in a more serious note, in chitra's case, she is a 39-yr old woman with 2 teenage children. he is 44, with history of depression. actually, he was out on S$40K bail where he is standing trial for stabbing his wife twice, in front of his children. their marriage was filled with history of abuse..

and..pardon me for a mistake here..he didnt beat her to death, he chopped her at the factory entrance where she was working..

now you tell me puneet..was she wrong in denying sex with him? after all, she bore him 2 kids, which i doubt i will ever able to do..



Women do have the say...
although they are still on the weaker side... I agree to that..

i guess this is the current situation, although i hate to admit it..


=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

michelle

seriously, i was thinking for a while about the kid you were talking about..geezzz..you were refering to yourself huh?? lolz..michelle, i never consider you as a kid..for me,you are a grown up person..well-accepted into the blog world..no worries..


refer to the explanation in my reply to puneet..

=am000nie=

Organized Noise said...

This is just crazy. Granted, there are more important things than sex in a relationship, but to just totally withhold without justification is crazy. But as crazy as it is, it does not give him a reason to beat her.

southpaw said...

Amutha....now u r putting all the facts, u shud've put them in the post rather than revealing it later on like we get those mysterious witnesses occasionally...:) anyways now when u have mentioned the facts,personally i'll look it in a different way, however when u put a topic like this and wanna debate on it, u must keep aside that feminism, coz here we are talking about someone who lost her life for no good and a psychopath who was granted bail i dont know why. By the way whats the current situation, i mean what about those kids???

musings (m000nie) said...

heyyy am000 hi nice post... thought provoking...

we shud have a right to say no if we want to... n there sure r cases of marital rape... only women here dont have the guts to speak up...

gtg now bye laterzzz...

Quz Boss said...

Oh my God, he loves her n sex is soooo important. But sadder to see da wife gettin a prostiture for him! She's adolscence, it aint bad! But dat guy was a frikkin idiot ;-( PEACE

tulipspeaks said...

@ organized noise

:) geezz..seems like everyone focused so much on the story, rather than my ques.. lolz..its okie..i welcome any comments by the way..


=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

@ south

rofl..nah..i didn't mean to be mysterious..its just that i was focused pretty much on my last ques which i posted..

however when u put a topic like this and wanna debate on it, u must keep aside that feminism,
lolz..i'm trying my best..but in vain!! this is not the first time it is happening to me..like what puneet has said before, at times my post reflect feminism..too bad but thats what i am..


the current situation, well..from my reading, seems the trial is still on ..not sure about the kids though..

tulipspeaks said...

@m000nie

*me runs and gives m000nie a HUGE hug..felt like it had been very long since i see you here..dono why..


ah..thats my gal..she is answering my final ques..muuaxx you for that..

yes, we should have the rights, but who is going to grant us the rights??

women may be don't have the guts to speak up, but the society also partly to be blamed..we are in a society where sex is seen as wife's responsibility to her husband, am i right? marital rape actually doesn't make any sense to those who perceives that husband is everything for the wife..

=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

err...quz boss..i think you don't get the facts correct here..check out the post again and the comments as well..

thank you


=am000nie=

southpaw said...

i'm trying my best..but in vain!! this is not the first time it is happening to me..like what puneet has said before, at times my post reflect feminism..too bad but thats what i am..**** do not try, just do it. There is nothing called trying, either u can or u can't. This is not the question of just being feminist, whenever we discuss any topic like this i guess we must not get bias anywhere, otherwise there is no point in u taking pain in writing such things and we taking pain of reading it and then disecting it....

southpaw said...

Amu hope i am not getting too rude, see! i said what i felt, so if i have offended u in any ways, pls pardon me for that!

tulipspeaks said...

south

of course you are not being rude, actually i feel you are being genuine..:)

when there are people who just agree with us on certain issues, just to be our 'friends' and in the same boat; i really appreciate those who point out my mistakes also..

as far as i'm concern, these are the REAL friends..and thank you for expressing your view

=am000nie=

southpaw said...

Thanks for understanding my views amu, it has always been pleasure reading ur posts and thats why i couldn't tolerate that bias approach...:)

uttara said...

hey am000nie ..
mez here for the first time .. good post ....

ut000nie

Arz000n said...

Guys are born with ego and Jealousy...you just cant remove it from them.


Think its betta for a lady to speak out rather than silently accept whtever her hubby is giving back to her under the name of marriage.

What say am00nie piez??

tulipspeaks said...

@ south

aww..thank you south..



@ uttara

welcome to my blog..hope this won't be your last visit though :)



@ z000nie

surely you are 100% correct z000nie..hmm..guess, the man going to marry me will have to possess HUGE pair of eas!! i'm definitely going to TALK!!

muuuaxx and hugsss


=am000nie=

Slice Of Life said...

why did she refuse her hubby..has to be seen in the present case
in india marital rape is there....who goes to prove to courts....
women do have a say
so also men
uma

Slice Of Life said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
tulipspeaks said...

uma,

she refused her husband because he is an animal..as simple as that..

please refer to my comment num 15, in response to puneet..

you'll know better why i said so..


=am000nie=