Tuesday, June 06, 2006

are you ANGRY?


The timing of this post can't be better. Seeing so many fights and mis-understandings going around in the blog-os-sphere, even I'm puzzled why it is happening. Yesterday, while lazying myself in the hair saloon (had a decent hair cut and relaxing treatment), I stumbled upon a magazine article on why people get angry..Couples of theory were given and I think they are not far from the truth. Check them out!

1. Power and control
Most people assume they can control over others by getting angry, shouting and screaming. Its a way of showing power they (possibly) have. Yet, in my opinion, its not the power or control they have over the others. Friends or families who have been constantly being yelled at will lose respect on the person and if they decided to to adhere to his/her will, its because they are fed-up with him/her. Do we achieve our objective by being the one everyone dislike?



2. Cover emotion

"I want to be loved but it is scary. I feel vulnerable. You can hurt me if I let myself to be close to you. Better to keep you away. But how? Ah yes, with rage. I'll find a thousand reasons to pick fights and drive u away.

Wait! I don't mean go away. I want you to stay. But I'm afraid to let you get close. You won't leave me, will you? You know I love you. Please understand me. I'm saying "go to hell" but it is just a cover. Don't leave."

The magazine claimed anger is a cover emotion. It steamed from the fact that the person could not let his/her loved one near him/her for the fear of being abandoned later. This feeling might be living inside you now but you are not even aware of it. And you know what? I think this is not a theory but a reality! My intuition saying that this is what happened to me. If I'm right, then I must say he did a wonderful job..



3. It's your fault!

This is the most well-known theory of angry :). Pointing fingers to others and blaming everyone around us for what happened/happening to us will be easiest way out from a problem. Don't deny it now, everyone of us has done this before. Including me...



4. I'm high!

Being angry not only gives some people the control over others.. it has become some sort of ecstacy pill which gives the adrenalin rush and sense of being 'high'. I would say this has become the 'later stage' of anger.. boy.. u need professional help!


5. Its a habit

Looks like being angry has become a hobby.. a habit.. and remember what they say...some habits never die :)


My say.. researchers can give you thousands of theories why you are getting angry at others. But think.. what does it give to you? Even I get angry.. I have a volcano inside me which errupts whenever it is provoked. But shouldn't I have the control over it? Humans are humans only when they have total control of themselves.. If not...I let you to finish the sentence.

23 comments:

Keshi said...

Amu great post...and those points r so right. So many heartaches going ard in blogville and I think u chose a great time to post abt Anger. Good work!

IMO ppl choose to victimise some friends when they think they r not so important - cos some ppl rank their friends. And some ppl can never get enough of attention. They r greedy for attention and dun realise the love they r receiving already. And some ppl stay angry forever cos they r so up themselves and cant see anything beyond them.


One more point. I know that most of the time no one likes to admit that they r wrong...but Im not afraid to say SORRY when I realise I have done something wrong intentionally. But if I'm not wrong, I dun like to bow down for no reason either...where I'm not guilty, I'd like to remain not guilty.


Keshi.

visithra said...

humm interesting

anup.777 said...

to cover emotion, eh? lolz ... yes I'd like to believe this one ... so bad .... :)

praveen said...

in answer to question..no..im not angry...lolz...still i seriously hope that we succesfully purify the compound of interest otherwise i'll probably get soo freaked up I'll break the column..haha...( yeah yeah...i know you guys don't hv a clue)

liked that one keshi...no one likes to admit they'r wrong..they're kinda true u know..but they are some ppl i know who are willing admit their mistakes and apologize for it..with the ppl i love, I usually would admit my mistake..if it is too see a smile on their face

Puspha said...

Nice!!!

PRADEEP K. said...

I thank Amu for this post. I wish to explain something here, very rationally.

I have an award for research in Human Resource Development, where I had involved myself in a research activity.

The research showed that anger is always a secondary emotion, supplimenting a primary emotion which is either disgust, or helplessness, or disappointment.

Well for me friendship has never been about making someone happy. Frienship is always about being fair to one another, being open to thoughts and ideas, and to positive and constructive criticisms.

I shall never compromise with my principles to make a friend happy, and not expect any of my friends to do that for me.

According to me, anybody who compromises their faith and principles for me are not my friends, but hypocrites.

I know others have their own views and I respect them. But I may not agree with them.

There was a person who thought I am a great friend when I praised her for her qualities. But this very person thinks today that I am a heartless bastard because I did not agree with something she had to say. That is not friendship.

This is a live example for the first three points that Amu mentioned.

Keshi said...

**I shall never compromise with my principles to make a friend happy, and not expect any of my friends to do that for me.


I have to agree on that one with Pradeep. Cos even I will never compromise on my principles just to make a friend happy. I will always stick to the truth even if it's going to hurt my best friend. A LIVE example is how few friends of mine distanced from me after my Burka post. I still say the same though. I dun care if they dun agree with me but I aint gonna sugar-coat my words just to keep few friends in my pocket.


Keshi.

Arz000n said...

I get angry on people...especially close friends of mine, with whom I desrve to act nuts at times...

reason for getting angry??

I attach expectations to them and expect them to behave in a way...and when they dont...I get really pissed off...

Never blasted anyone afta getting angry..but yes, have stopped talking to them....but then you dont stop caring for them right...

Jeevan said...

some times i get Angry on me and show on others, but i controling myself not to show out. Angry Collapse my thinking, what is the way to control angry?

praveen said...

looks like everyone is making this a place to release their anger..good..

btw, abt prad's fren..she didnt call him a heartless bastard because he disagreed with her..she did so because he hurt her gravely with the kinda words he used..n didnt stop hurting her even after she told him he was hurting her..so, "heartless"..sounds correct

sure one dosent have to compromise principles in order to make a fren happy..but to extent of gravely hurting someone??or even if you did, would it hurt ur principle to apologize..how can one be in a relationship if one puts his/herself first..every relationship is made based on give and take..every parent-child, husband-wife...and put it in that way..even between friends..it is mutual understanding that makes a relationship strong..but then, thats my opinion...anyone is free to disagree

Keshi said...

lol Praveen yeah this post seems to be a venting out session for everyone now thanks to Amu :):)


**sure one dosent have to compromise principles in order to make a fren happy but to extent of gravely hurting someone??

I agreed with Prady there but oh no I didnt mean hurting anyone at all. But Praveen sometimes by speaking the truth alone, it can hurt friends - w.o. even having to use hurtful words. U know wut I mean sweety?

Keshi.

praveen said...

@keshi

yeap...i do understand my fren..speaking the truth is still ok..but using hurtful words....definite no in a friendship rite..

Keshi said...

yes Praveen...

Keshi.

Keshi said...

missin ya Amuuu.... :*(

Keshi.

PRADEEP K. said...

Sometimes Truth translates to hurtful words. At other times, Truth is misunderstood to be hurtful words.

PRADEEP K. said...

For those who do not know, Amu is busy planning and organizing a wedding ceremony.

She will be back with us soon.

Cheers!

tulipspeaks said...

lolz.. i c a long battle here..

still feeling tired. will be responding to the comments 2moro.

=am000nie=

anup.777 said...

whose wedding?

tulipspeaks said...

@ keshi

:))) miss ya honey.. glad for the few mins we had sterday..


some ppl can never get enough of attention
think this is one of the reason for whats happening in blog-o-sphere now.. its just some dont understand we are in fact puting up with their attitude coz we care, coz we give them ATTENTION **sighhh


where I'm not guilty, I'd like to remain not guilty
true.. i dont see any reason why we should bow down just to please others when we r not at fault. if the so-called frens could not understand us, finding fault with everything we do, let it be.




@ visithra

athe appadi thaan la.. apo apo enode mulai velaiseiyum.. other time, thoongikittu irukem :P



@ anup

seriously.. i've seen it, i've experience it.. and i think its dumb! ;)


hugsss


=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

@ praveen

phhewww... compound, column?? ayiooo.. i think i'm in the lab again! hehehehehe




@ puspha

:))))




@ prady

anger is always a secondary emotion, supplimenting a primary emotion which is either disgust, or helplessness, or disappointment

when i think carefully about this and when i relate it to my own self.. i think the statement is v true, prady.. usually i get angry coz i'm disappointed.. think u knw tat v well ;)


hugsss

=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

@ keshi

A LIVE example is how few friends of mine distanced from me after my Burka post.

i still dont understand why it happened. i dont think u attacked anyone there, it was a general and frank opinion u had abt Muslim women. if sumone wanna be upset with that minor thingy.. let it be..




@ z00000000000000n

:P

yes, have stopped talking to them....but then you dont stop caring for them right...

z000n, i'm just curious.. how does these ppl gonna know u care for them if u dont talk to them?



@ jeevan

anger collapse thinking.. interesting..

what is the way? im hoping sumone can tell me that


hugsss

=am000nie=

tulipspeaks said...

@ praveen, keshi

lolz.. truly a place to vent out anger.. it worked? ;)





@ prady
:) truthful thoughts..

lolz.. yea yea.. was busy with the wedding/engagement thingy




@ anup

definitely not mine ;). pics will be up soon!


hugsss


=am000nie=

Keshi said...

lolz Amu yeah this post got the anger out of me :):) WB how was ur trip?


**it was a general and frank opinion u had abt Muslim women. if sumone wanna be upset with that minor thingy.. let it be..


who knows Amu! and I really dun care abt egoistic fakers anymore.

Keshi.