Tuesday, March 06, 2007

my wish list..

has nothing in it.

Not because I am not wishing for anything, but I just want to stop asking. Stop expecting. Stop hoping. Stop wishing.

Everytime when I even attempt to ask for something, my hope usually shatters. But unexpected happens. Am I asking for something impossible? Or simply because I don't deserve things? But again, is there anything impossible?

Not to brag, but I have done what I can for people I know. In fact for people I barely know. I have tried my best to help, to listen and to give suggestion. I have gone in great length, even by sacrificing my own time and need for others. I put the others first before me. I could never say no. But now, I feel all I have done is to push myself down. Pushed it to a lowest point possible in terms of priority. It is not fair if I expect everyone to make me happy all the time. Thats pretty difficult. I know. But that is the task I did. Not that everyone is happy with me or what I have done. But I have done what I can for them. Isn't it fair to expect the same thing in return?

Disappointments only made me to think and to forgo any expectation I still have. I have stopped wishing.

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The first time I am incorporating some tulips in my wallpaper. Ironic that I never thought of tulips in the wallpapers all this while. May be its time to be selfish :)

8 comments:

priya said...

Ammu:

Hey, all our wishes can never be fulfilled and with all positive energy we keep walking the way which leads us.

Happiness comes from heart girl and its not just wealth and being hifi u know.

A simple life with wat you have can accomplish you to build your dreams and enjoy it.

Nothing is impossible unless you know what you want.

Deserve is when you either catch it for a reason or grab it when it really belongs to you.

You cannot make everyone happy ammu. Inside deep down your heart search your happiness and life comes to you.

Few failures or disappointments- we have to brush it go. Delete from your memory huh:)

Chill out ammu and u will be fine.

Don't think of the past and may be you shud do some meditation to keep your spirits high.

Keshi said...

Ammu its a bit dangerous to have an empty wish list. Whats going on?

Keshi.

Shiva said...

Ammu, You are right. It's better not to have expectations on others. And not een in ourselves.

Just live every moment of your life for yourself and be responsible for it. That's the real power. Just turn the problems, if any, into adventure. Face the surprises as if they are wonders.

Life is a celebration, full of playfulness. It's a leela. Just witness it and play eery moment of it.

Cheers:)

Jeevan said...

You have done much kind helps and supports that u can to do and don't feel like u had been down by showing care on others, for doing these we need a heart, that u have.

Wishes and hopes are our future, so don't stop or try to avoid these. but i know its easy for me to tell, but one can sense only from ur place.

Huggsss...

tulipspeaks said...

@ priya

You cannot make everyone happy ammu

i dont wanna make anyone happy anymore. i just want to make myself happy. yea, happiness comes from within but it seems to be lost in a sea of sorrow. damn.. i just hate to feel so helpless u know?

i tried to chill out. u know the traditional way - kutty kutty vacation. i'll b v happy during the vacation, during the holiday but when i came back.. i'm, back to the old old situation. no change.



@ keshi

i'm doing alrite. not as bad as i sound. dont worry abt me okie?



=ammu=

tulipspeaks said...

@ shiva

ketka nalla iruke. really.. it sounds wonderful. but how to enjoy every min when u kinda sensing sumthing not right? may be im being paranoid but am i wrong if i behave like that? considering my trust been broken everytime i even try to trust sumone?




@ jeevan

thanks. yes it is not v easy as it seems to be. wishing n hoping moves our life but at the same time it gives me an impression that everything gonna be fine when thats not the case. catch22 i would say.



=ammu=

Keshi said...

well I do have to worry abt ya...cos I feel ur not 100%.

Keshi.

tulipspeaks said...

@ keshi

i admit im not 100%. trying to pretend like i am though.

got to do sumthing abt this.


=ammu=