Thursday, May 28, 2009

I am being random again

Chumma Talk: 9 more days to PD!

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I am trying to pen down my thoughts for the past few days, but somehow find it hard to put my feelings into words. Geeeez! That is always my problem isn't it? I wonder how these authors manage to write novels and tonnes of them! I can't even write a proper blog post expressing myself and that certainly makes me to look like a loser.

Nature @ Bukit Tinggi
Sometimes, I just find imagining myself surrounded by huge trees almost covering the sky. Feels small and intimidated in there.

It is complicated nevertheless. And I am talking not only about writing a blog post. Even human behaviour never fail to make me to awe in disbelief. It's like a cobweb - complex, real and intimidating. For my Ph.D's sake I'm trying to slog though some textbooks on behavioural psychology, but I am not sure if any of those books could prepare me to understand behaviour of those around me.
Blue sky - sea
But sometimes, I find myself open in the space. It feels calm and serene but exposed!

I feel unloved at times. I will be in the center of attention at other times. And amazingly it will be caused by the same person. What is this? Split personality? Why can't I see consistency? And what's wrong in me wanna be consistent in what I say, in what I wanna be and in what I feel?

MIB Photoshoot - Batu Caves
Sometimes, I feel both. It's like being confined in a cave but at the same time I get the fresh air. 

Okay. Guess I am still as confused as ever.

11 comments:

iriene said...

Congrats, u r pursuing ur Ph.D!
U r consistence..coz u know what u want in ur life! Many random thoughts will visit us at different times, it's just some "self check-up" and "self-express". U managed to relates and compare.. that's GREAT! Wow, u got KFC ads, I had just clicked for u. Me..No KFC ads :( Take Care & do drop by my blog, TKS!

Jemsen said...

I hope I can pursue my PH.D too!
Oops, I must pass my PMR first :D..
Focus, focus ... but once in a while do take a break to movie, read a good inspiring book etc. Any tips for me to study?? Tks! Visit my blog for some photos that I captured ..

whAt A LiFe said...

U r such a smart gal, I'm sure u can handle situations like this. It is kinda normal to go thru these feelings. So dun worry, you a perfectly alright. hehehe, do i sound like a doctor? Anyways, Best wishes for your PhD

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

ahh memories.
the kids are so cute but before we know it, they are going to be as old as we are.
time flies :-)

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

its human nature, we all change all the time and we all want certain things at certain times. Beautiful photos :-)

Arv said...

Lookin at those pic... one would hardly feel like writing anything :)

take care la :)

cheers...

tulipspeaks said...

@ iriene

welcome to TS! :-)
that was a very good analysis of my random words. i truly appreciate it.
added u in my reader.



@ jemsen

study smart and don't forget the fun part of life as well :)


ammu.

tulipspeaks said...

@ what a life

smart gal ah? aha.. kembung la! hehehe. thanks for the faith u have in me, dear.



@ ramya

thanks for the inspiring words!



ammu.

tulipspeaks said...

@ arv

avalavu nalla iruka?


ammu.

Jeevan said...

Beautiful pictures, in anyway our expression will exit and even pictures help.

viji said...

YOU CAME PD TODAY??
alamak..lambatnya i baca this post..

WELL, the pictures awesome.. You are not loser la ka. You write well. :))


could prepare me to understand behaviour of those around me.

-->No risk taking pls..