Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I decide whom I wanna be

There was a time when I always assume people think exactly the same way that I do. I blindly made conclusions thinking that those around me behave like me. I was under the impression that people can read my mind.

Yes, obviously over the time, I realised how dumb I was.

People DO NOT think like me.
People DO NOT behave like me.
People ARE NOT me.

I don't know if that is what we call bitter reality, but it is the reality nevertheless. What I have learned now? There are differing opinions around me. Differing opinions here do not mean only with regards to my opinion, but also to myself. Yes, they might be your friends, colleagues, relatives, acquaintances, classmates, labmates, gymmates bla bla bla.. but they might not like everything about you. Maybe to a certain extend, they might feel comfortable with you. Yet, that should not be interpreted as a complete acceptance of us. It's not wrong.. just not entirely safe :-)

When I say it is not entirely safe, I didn't mean you should not trust every single person around you. I also didn't mean they are going to attack you at the very next second. But you might get hurt once you find out certain truths. And in that way, it is certainly not safe.

I'm only turning 29 next month and probably still have long way ahead. I still have lot more things to see, people to meet and part. But I know, my personal space is mine and mine alone. I don't think I am prepared to let anyone invade it. Meaning which.. if you think you are close to me and know everything about me, then probably you know nothing. From the scale of 1 - 10, the only person who could  score  high (8) will be my sis.

It's not that I want to be mysterious. In fact, most of my friends will think I am pretty open when it comes to sharing, but I choose what to be shared and with whom. I choose whom I wanna be. If you think I'm arrogant. Then, that is because I choose to behave like that to YOU. If you think I'm a sister, that is also because I choose to be one to YOU. Yes, I decide whom I wanna be to you. So, next time if you find yourself saying .. 'Ammu is such a bitch!!", it will be because that is what YOU deserve to get.

In the end of the day, I am the one who should be calling the shots. This is a life gifted to me by Her and it is not meant to please others. As mean as it may sound, I decide whom I wanna be.


Arv said...

exactly how you should be :)

viji said...

This is a very good post ka. well written. Your points: Clean and clear. I agree with u.

I strongly agree with the part you said,
' I decide whom I wanna be to you'
Yeah - we need to decide it, we no need to please anyone especially heartless people.

tc ka

kevin said...

hi there.
just droppin by.
nice site.
keep it up.
seems u and my friend shares the same lay-out. it is.

thnks.see you soon.

kevn (:

zewt said...

calm down.... calmer now? :)

Jeevan said...

True ammu, I loved the way you explained. Accepting people whom they’re leads a better way of relationship and how well it exists is something, but there’re most people always expect those of their kind. I agree there’s a certain distance in sharing and when it comes to personal life some stop at a distance and if we not understand that, we get hurt by silence.

I always sense a sisterhood from you ammu and thus I understood now u have choose to be so :)

Barbara said...

Right on! Each person should decide who they want to be.