Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Drifting away


I wanted to write so badly. I really miss my little cyberhome I have here. But every time I click on the 'new post', I ended up staring at the empty column which is.. well, staring at me back. After an hour or so playing the staring game, I will give up and close the page. There are so much of stuff to tell everyone but there is something lacking in me.. something that is preventing me to express myself. First I thought it's writer's block, but now I don't think the reason can be that simple.

And this is definitely odd.

I want to believe I'm living my life to the fullest. I certainly want it to happen in real, not just words. I'm working towards it. That's all I can say about what I'm doing now. I wish I have more courage and higher self-esteem as I used to have before. Somehow, things don't look or feel the same nowadays.

I'm not sad, if you think I am. I'm just a little.. hmm, well, mixed up.

I dream a lot nowadays. Be it day time or during night sleep. Having some weird dreams. Not nightmares, just some dreams which doesn't make sense. I am not a believer of 'dreams holding messages' crap. But I am trying to make sense of dreams which otherwise, doesn't make any sense. Do I make any sense now? *sigh


Taking photos and posing for photos make me happy. Been doing that a lot lately. Flooding FB albums with my photos. Soon everyone gonna get tired of seeing my face over and over again. But then again, I don't seem to care. I don't know if I actually care about anything else now. Sound selfish, I know.

Looks like I'm writing now. I'm just writing from my heart without a proper planning of what I intend to convey through today's post. It's kinda mixed up. Just like how I feel.

8 comments:

Princess said...

how strange, I do the exact same thing these days, i open the new post page, upload a random picture and think, think and think and then save the draft and close the editor. ;)

-Aiz.

venus66 said...

It happens to me too. Will be kay after some time. Take care.

Jeevan said...

Some dreams don't sense to be exist and if we kept thinking about it we becomes senseless. I too believe to live my life fullest, whatever interrupt.

hope the problem solved soon.

Mysterious Mia said...

ah tell me abt it...going thru the same phase of staring at the screen even though u wanna write heaps.....
u still managed to write a pretty decent post :)

rauf said...

where are your pictures dee ? Facebook ?
How do i see dem ?
yenna Ammudee what you tokking ? You need a break. Comees India, comees Chennai but not on a temple trip like my malaysian friends do, they come to vonly vonly dembles vonly, aiyoo some walk to Tirupati and all and shave their heads toos. one chapee is coming in january. Sweet guy from KL. Comees shopping trip, buy good dresses, very cheap, silk sarees and all, eat massala dosai, i'll take your pictures, see my portrait blog. You will jumpee jumpee. Now i changed my style, haven't posted dem. simbly lazy i am. Chennai is cooling down nows. Nice wedder dee, come with pamily.

Me gots lots and lots to write, lots boiling in my yeddu, traveling lots, got tonns of pittures toos but too lazy to write and post dem. My putter toos gone crazy dee, its restarting by itself, have to take it to a mandravadi and do some hoosh hoosh and beat my CPU with a broom and chappal.

You are a happy girl Ammudee, don expect yannyting from yanny one, expectations let us down, bring depression.
Go have ice cream, yenjoyee !

tulipspeaks said...

@ princess

any success so far?



@ venus

i hope so :)


ammu.

tulipspeaks said...

@ jeevan

hehehe.. i like the way u describe it.


@ mia

thanks dear. hope u manage to write something too.


ammu.

tulipspeaks said...

@ rauf

yes. they are in FB. do you have an account?

hahahaha.. u r so humorous! if i come to india, will u play my host? :)



ammu.