Life has taken different direction. I know I am someone different from whom I was, lets say 10 years ago. Almost everything have changed - be it physical character, personality or just the way I think. Some have changed for better, some for worse. But collectively, that makes whom I am now.

I have tried to refrain myself from going personal in this blog (now that it is being read by huge range of people I know), but THIS need to be told no matter what. Lately I was having this emotional breakdown which really affected my daily life. The thing is it was not caused by one single incident but was a result of various happenings over a long period of time. While I am not a pro at problem solving, I handled some of it pretty well apart from the fact that I buried the emotional baggage that came with it. I never actually cried out all, and contrary to what some people think, I don't tell everyone whatever I'm facing as well. I just let things accumulate inside me over the time.. and I guess one fine day, it tipped my level of tolerance by one degree and there you go - a big blast of emotion!

I always say this - I am what I am, and I am certainly proud of whom I am. I want to appear strong and I work towards being strong every single day. Yet, at times I do hit rock bottom. I do see myself in the mirror and ask myself - why can't I be better than what I already am, why would the karma keep coming back to me as if I'm the only criminal in this entire world, why I didn't think of this / that earlier, why I did whatever I did.. why why and more whys. The questions never end, but I never got the answer. THAT has pushed me into depression.

Yes, life is like a wheel. Sometimes you are the top and sometimes you hit the bottom. I have heard all these stuff before ok. I have read numerous self-management books, articles etc. I know the theory, but applying it is damn hard. All of us want our self-esteem to hit the sky but, a few people got it right and they are the ones who make it to the top. Where are the rest of us? Still struggling with what appear as petty matters. And when I say us, it includes me as well.. at least at this point.

We all need someone whom we can talk to and put our trust. I am still searching for that one person. I may have found a person I can talk to, but it takes a long time to put my trust on him/her. Only then, I will be able to let go of this emotional baggage I am carrying. Till then, it is going to stay with me.. on my shoulder.